scout,

aunt Meghan shared this on Facebook tonight…..

even after five years, sometimes you just say it.

First love is the deepest. You don’t just fall in love- you capsize. ~Allison Pearson

When I’m alone and there’s not enough light in the room

that’s when these moments fill me 

like a goddamn dam that breaks and I can’t quite float up to the top-

where i know there is reason and clarity. 

there are days that i never do this, there are days it’s all I do

This is not a choice it’s an impending

                                                  forced

                                                       freeze-frame

And I can’t stop it- can’t predict it, can’t hold it in my hand

just when I think I’m free, I remember how loudly we laughed

and how i felt from inside your favorite shirt 

I walked so far from the car,  I believed i was forever removed

but someplace in me decided to stay

And the staying hurts so much more than leaving

“Tonight I would be the star at a poetry slam- perhaps at the green mill off the red line subway.

I’d use my hands to indirectly expose
           my feelings to an audience of everyone but you.

I’d pretend you’d be there and the words I’d speak would fall to you-

every moment of regret,
                                anger,
                                    frustration,
                                             and love.

They’d all be there, 

          like in a line for methadone:

waiting, impatiently to get what they needed and be gone. 

You, well you of course…
      you’d never show up.

        I know you’re sitting somewhere, your head reeling with the same thought I’m thinking. 
 

but anytime you think of me

          you don’t have the balls to say it aloud to anyone.

especially not an audience like this. 

i’ve always been so much braver than you. 

      cheers to the newly cynical lady on stage.”

- Rachael Retter 

The biggest mistake we can make while falling in love is falling in love with someone’s potential. The best love comes from falling in love with someone the way they are, right then, in that moment. This is so much more simple. More fair. Oh, how many heartaches could have been averted? 

sometimes i wonder what I’m labeled as in your phone. Certainly you didn’t keep the old title after it ended, but sometimes i wonder- - - is it weird to just see me as a first name? What did you do with that box under your bed? How do you tell people about what happened that spring? What songs make you feel a twinge of me? Do you spend most of your time trying to remember? Or instead trying to forget? We’re so different and now and so much time has passed. I hope you remember me like that day at the fair where I was young and restless and nothing in the world would ever get in my way. I hope you remember me like that day in the woods with my feet dangling off the concrete slab, toes dipping the pond. I hope you remember me as your first love in the back of you car- in a place where nothing was ever going to end. Just don’t remember that spring. 

i already forget how i use to feel about you- Eternal sunshine

awesome! you totally should! American Mobile is who I go with- they are the largest. It’s been amazing so far! Go for it! 

Sanibel Island, Florida

letterstoscout:

Scout,

Yesterday we took a day trip to Sanibel Island from our home in Naples. It was a beautiful drive and even more beautiful once we got there. The beaches were littered with sea shells and the skies full of sweeping pelicans. We lathered you up with sunscreen and headed to where the ocean…